Drunken Fun
by Elissa707
Summary: A series of stories, where the team gets drunk and fun things happen. Rated M for later chapters. I'm leaving 'Characters' blank since there are no fixed perspectives here. There are a bunch of pairings going on and I don't want to ruin the surprise, but there will be slashy M/M.
1. Truth or Dare 1

**I don't own Avengers.**

* * *

Steve didn't _mind_ always being designated driver, he couldn't get drunk, and he was the obvious choice. Steve didn't mind it when he had to carry Clint and Tony into the car after they fell off of their respective barstools. Steve didn't even mind the times when he had to knock a few skulls together after Thor and Natasha started a bar brawl. He _did_ mind tonight, when Tony made chicken noises after he refused to play Truth or Dare. So he sat down to play.

"Alright Natasha, truth or dare?" Said Tony. Steve muttered under his breath about how juvenile this game was.

"Dare." She said. Tony raised his eyebrows challengingly and looked around the room.

"I dare you to… drink a flaming shot!" She laughed and he handed her the lighter and shot glass. Steve watched carefully, ready to douse the flames. Natasha downed it easily and stuck her tongue out at Tony.

"Hah, that was easy. Clint, truth or dare?" Clint groaned and sat up.

"…Truth." He answered, his last dare from Natasha had been to jump of Avengers Tower and Steve had almost not caught him. He was still a bit sore.

"Wimp. Ok, when will you get a girlfriend?" She asked, smiling evilly. Clint rolled his eyes and laid back down. Steve sipped his rum & coke, not paying attention.

"As you know, I will never get a girlfriend." Steve glanced at Clint. Shrugging, he looked at Thor who was very asleep.

"Thor. Thor. Thooooorrrrr!" Clint kicked Thor who jumped up immediately.

"WHO DARES ATTACK THE PRINCE OF ASGARD?" shouted Thor. Steve tapped him.

"Thor, sit down, buddy. Clint's trying to tell you that it's your turn." He said, Thor nodded and sat back down.

"Truth or dare, Thor?" asked Clint, playing with an arrow. Steve kept an eye on him, making sure that the arrow wasn't an explosive one and that he didn't cut himself.

"Dare, though you teensy mortals could never scare a god!" exclaimed Thor. Steve rolled his eyes and downed the rest of his drink.

"I dare you to kiss Natasha." Clint said simply and Thor paled. Natasha stood over and walked, hips swaying, coming to kneel in front of Thor. Steve snorted and swirled the ice around in his drink. Natasha leaned forward and bit at Thor's lower lip until he also leaned forward and kissed back. Tony whistled.

"Oh, hey Capsicle, you want me to top you off?" Tony offered. Steve shook his head and stood up.

"No, I've got it." He said, refilling his cup and going back to sit down. Natasha had returned to her cushion and Thor was staring wide-eyed at her.

"Thor. God of thunder. Focus! Your turn to ask." Tony said, throwing popcorn at Thor when he didn't respond.

"Did you wear your paralyzing lipstick again?" asked Clint and Natasha shook her head, amused.

"Oh, yes. Captain." Thor shook his head and tried to focus his eyes on Steve. Steve raised his eyebrows.

"Truth, Thor." Steve said. Thor nodded and thought for a few minutes. Bruce and Steve shared a look. Suddenly, the god of thunder collapsed and Tony laughed.

"Awh, the Asgardian god can't handle his whiskey… Or maybe the Widow's bite killed him. Is he dead?" Steve leaned over and checked his pulse.

"He's just unconscious. I'll move him to the couch." He answered and Tony threw a handful of popcorn at him.

"Not 'til you do your truth you won't! I didn't forget but you thought I did. Hah. I'll give you one. When was the last time you got laaaaaiiiddd?" Tony waggled his eyebrows suggestively. Steve stood up, bending to lift the fallen Thor and snorted again.

"The day, well night, before I was frozen in ice, Tony." Steve said and Tony stared in horror.

"You haven't had sex since we woke you up?!" He exclaimed. Steve didn't answer, he just grunted as he put Thor on the couch in the recovery position.

"I believe that it's my turn to ask Bruce, Tony." He replied, sitting back down.

"I'll do a truth, Captain." Bruce said quietly. Steve ran quickly through all of the possible questions.

"Who's your girlfriend?" Steve asked and Bruce raised his eyebrows.

"Well, Natasha is, but how did you know?" Tony fell over and Clint glanced up. Natasha chuckled.

"You had lipstick on a hickey a few days ago." Steve answered and Bruce smiled. Tony looked shocked.

"Tony, truth or dare?" asked Bruce. Tony sat back up.

"No no no no, I need to know, how did you two get together?" Bruce shook his head.

"That's not how the game works, it's my turn to ask you." Tony sighed dramatically.

"Fine fine fine, dare." Bruce thought for a moment.

"I dare you to call Pepper and come out of the closet. And you can't say it's a dare until tomorrow." Tony pulled out his phone and dialed.

"Hey, put it on speaker!" exclaimed Natasha, Tony obligingly did.

"Hey, sweetie, what's up? Why're you calling so late?" Pepper's voice sounded from the phone.

"I had to tell you something, Pepper… I'm gay." Tony said in a desperate voice. Pepper laughed.

"Alright, I'll remember that later on when you send me pictures of your dick. I'll make sure to forward them on to my single gay friends. I'll see if I can get some pictures back, m'kay?" Tony looked a bit nauseous at the thought and Steve rolled his eyes again, enjoying his drink.

"I gotta go now, I need to take care of my gay-man-lover, Steve. Byebye Pepper." Tony said clicking the phone shut. Steve choked on his drink and Natasha laughed. Clint chuckled as Steve's expression and Bruce smiled.

"We went full circle, time to switch seats!" exclaimed Tony and Steve sighed; they all stood up and moved around. Thor snored.

* * *

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

I don't know _why_ but the world needs this story. So, yea. I have no idea how many chapters this will be. Nor do I know where it came from. But, here you go. M for later chapters.


	2. Truth or Dare 2

**I don't own Avengers.**

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Tony now looked maliciously at Clint who looked bored.

"Clint, Clint, Clint, my faaavorite archer. Truth or dare?" Clint raised his eyebrows and yawned.

"Truth. I don't feel like moving." He answered.

"Why don't you have a girlfriend?" Clint rolled his eyes and threw the arrow he was playing with at the ceiling. Steve sighed, reaching over and catching it before it struck Clint in the face. Clint glared at Steve, who ignored it.

"Because I don't want one, Tony. Now give that back, Steve, I'm not going to hurt myself." Steve quirked an eyebrow and shook his head.

"Not likely. You can have it back in the morning, Mr. I-won't-miss-the-pool-if-I-jump-off-the-roof." Clint grumbled.

"And that's not a real answer, Clint!" Tony said indignantly. Clint looked over disinterestedly.

"But it's the truth, I don't _want_ a girlfriend so I don't _have_ a girlfriend. Tony glared, downing another shot, and Clint flicked Natasha.

"Tasha, truth or dare?" She kicked him in the chest and he went down. Steve leaned over and pulled him back up, Clint was dizzy but mostly unharmed.

"Flick me again, butterfingers." She muttered before shaking her head. "Dare, of course." Clint rubbed his chest and Steve moved his hand, lifting up his shirt to check to make sure she hadn't injured him. Tony gave another wolf-whistle.

"Clint and Stevie, sitting a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G." He sang. Clint and Steve ignored him, Bruce snickered.

"I dare you to go stand in time out, pyscho." He muttered and then smacked Steve's hand away. "I'm fine."

"That's not a real dare!" She exclaimed but she still stood and walked to the corner. "Crybaby." Steve shook his head.

"Truth or dare, Steve?" shouted Natasha from the corner, where she stood, nose on the wall. Clint was laughing to himself and Tony was trying to work his phone to take a picture, but couldn't quite figure it out due to his drunkenness. Bruce, who was clearly attempting to sneaky about it but failed miserably, ogled her and Steve chuckled at him.

"I'll take a dare." Steve replied, getting rather bored of babysitting his drunk friends.

"I dare you to kiss Clint, a _real_ kiss!" Clint and Steve looked at each other. Clint shrugged and sat up while Steve scooted over so he could reach. Tony stared. "Wait, I'm coming out of time-out for a minute so I can see too." She turned around and watched as Steve pecked Clint's lips. Natasha booed. "I said a real kiss, not a peck. Do it again!" Clint rolled his eyes, grabbed Steve's collar and jerked him close. Tony fell over again and Bruce laughed when Steve pulled Clint into his lap.

"I see why you don't want a girlfriend." Tony observed and Clint broke away, smirking and throwing a mock-punch to Steve's chin before disentangling himself from Steve's arms. They both calmly returned to their pillows and sat down, Steve cleared his throat.

"Was that acceptable, Natasha?" He asked and she nodded, turning back to the wall.

"You can come out now, I think you've learned your lesson about kicking me." Clint said and she walked back over, plopping down. Thor suddenly rolled off the couch in a loud crash.

"Friends, to me! I have been most grievously injured!" Cried Thor and Steve stood up, moving towards him.

"No, you just passed out after too much alcohol." Steve soothed, helping him stand up. He stumbled for a bit and leaned heavily on Steve. "Why don't you go lay down, in your bed, sleep it off?" Thor shook his head.

"I wish to continue this game, it is most fascinating." Steve walked him over to the circle again.

"You can go between Captain and me, Thor." Bruce offered, moving so that Thor could sit. Thor sat, throwing an arm around him and smiling. Clint yawned and laid down.

"Thank you, my friend."

"Anytime, big guy." Bruce said, leaning into Thor companionably. Steve smiled, he was always happy when his team got along.

"Alright Thor, it's your turn to choose, truth or dare?"

"I will take another dare." Steve considered it for a few minutes; he had yet to give a dare.

"I dare you to… drink one of Tony's special mixes." Thor nodded and Tony jumped up.

"Give me five minutes!" He exclaimed, running to the bar, somehow managing to only fall four times. Clint glanced at Steve.

"What are the odds that the drink kills Thor?" Steve shrugged.

"I figured that since Thor is an Asgardian he won't be as affected, seeing as I've survived Tony's mixed drinks." Clint nodded and Natasha yawned, laying down on the floor.

"Don't worry, I've returned." Tony walked slowly in the room, taking exaggerated care so as to not spill the concoction. He handed it to Thor and sat back down. The drink was lime green with a purple bottom and was also lightly smoking. Thor looked at it, hesitated for a moment.

"For Asgard!" He exclaimed before kicking the whole thing back, gulping it all down in one go. He set the glass on the ground and disgust was clear on his face. Thor turned to Tony, horrified. "What in the Nine Realms was that? That was truly the most revolting liquid that has ever been." Tony looked offended.

"That was my favorite one." He sniffed and Thor shook his head.

"You worry me, friend. That was most vile. Bruce, do you wish to tell a truth or do a daring deed?" Bruce considered it for a moment and then shrugged.

"I'll take a dare." Thor smiled and Steve groaned.

"I challenge you to fly with me." Steve shook his head and stood up. Bruce's smile grew wider and Clint rolled over.

"Steve. Videotape it if it's funny. Wait. Do you know _how_ to videotape things?" Steve rolled his eyes.

"Yes, I do. But I'm going to be busy catching Bruce and/or Thor when they fall, so if you want to watch it without having to move, then have Tony pull it up on the security feed." Natasha curled up into a ball.

"Don't die, I dislike funerals." She mumbled, closing her eyes and presumably going to sleep. Bruce smiled softly and assured her he wouldn't. Tony was staring at the wall, fascinated.

"Guys. There's a spider. Dancing." Clint looked back to the retreating Captain and sighed, getting up and stumbling a bit before leaning on the wall.

"Wait up, I want to come see too." Steve paused obligingly and when Clint tripped while trying to jog over, he put an arm around the inebriated archer and helped him walk.

"Steady there, Clint. Come on, I don't want them blasting off without us, the paperwork for fatalities is endless." Clint snorted and they hobbled out of the building, following Bruce and Thor.

* * *

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

So, as anyone who is reading "Brownies and Good Ole Glenlivet" knows, I'm busy so updates will be weird. Plus, unlike my other stories, this one doesn't really have a set plot, I just let what happens happen. I'll try to keep it at least an update every two days.

If you have something you'd like them to experience, PM me or review. Right now, the plan is to take them through the various drunk-people games that I know of or invent.

This "Truth or Dare" thing will be one more chapter; after that I'm going to a different game. I may have them play it again, if you'd like though.


	3. Truth or Dare 3

**I don't own Avengers. Or Tylenol.**

* * *

Steve supported Clint and carefully deposited him on a bench outside, looking to where Thor and Bruce stood, waiting.

"Are you ready, friend?" asked Thor and Bruce smiled excitedly, jumping onto Thor's back in a piggy-back position.

"Yup, all you, big guy!" he said, wrapping his arms around Thor's neck. Thor started spinning Mjolnir and then leapt into the air, Bruce let out a whoop. Steve ran over to stand where they had jumped off from, ready to catch Bruce, when the he started screaming.

"THOR WAKE UP THIS IS A BAD TIME TO SLEEP AWH SHIT CAAAAPPPTTTAAAAIIINNN!" he heard Bruce and he scanned the sky, seeing that Thor had passed out again in the air.

"Hold on to him, Bruce!" Steve sprinted, seeing where they were falling and Clint watched amiably on his bench.

"It won't hurt Thor to hit the ground; he's fallen from higher places." He murmured sleepily, resting his head on his knees. Steve didn't hear him; he was, after all, sprinting to catch his teammates several hundred yards away.

"THIS WAS A REALLY BAD IDEEAAAA!" screamed Bruce and Steve muttered under his breath agreeing with him. He got close enough and yelled up again.

"Bruce, let go! Thor will be fine falling, I'll catch you!" Bruce obediently let go off the peacefully sleeping Asgardian and then screeched as he plummeted in a dive. Thor landed in a huge crash as Steve caught Bruce easily, though he still screamed. A loud snore was heard from the crater that Thor lay in so Steve sat down, holding Bruce in his arms like a child and rocking, shushing him. "Bruce, Bruce, BRUCE, you're fine, I caught you." Bruce opened one eye and then looked rather sheepish.

"Oh. I thought I was still falling." He said and Steve smiled, still rocking the shaking scientist.

"No, you're fine. Though you will be very sore tomorrow." Bruce chuckled and Steve carefully put him on the ground. "Stay there, I need to check on Sleeping Beauty." Bruce nodded, laying down on the ground and trying to calm his breathing. Steve jogged lightly to the crater and looked in, hoping he had been right in his assumption that Thor would be ok. He snorted when he saw the God of Thunder curled up in the fetal position and snoring loudly.

"Is Thor alright?" asked Bruce and Steve glanced back.

"Yes, he's actually still asleep. Do you think you can walk leaning on me? I need to carry Thor." Bruce nodded and Steve stepped into the crater, picking Thor up in a fireman's carry and walking back to Bruce. Bruce slowly lifted himself up, using Steve's arm, and leaned heavily on Steve.

"I feel like… shit." He muttered and Steve shook his head, wrapping his free arm around Bruce's waist.

"I wonder why _that_ is." Steve replied and Bruce chuckled to himself as they hobbled back to Clint. Clint was dozing lightly on his bench and Steve groaned.

"Clint. Clint, wake up, buddy." Steve said, gently nudging him with his foot. Bruce laid his head on Steve's shoulder and yawned. Clint blinked tiredly and looked at Steve.

"Is Thor dead?" He asked and Steve shook his head.

"No, but he's asleep. Come on, it's about time I got you all to bed." Clint nodded and accepted Bruce's hand, leaning on him and yawning. Steve then very carefully shuffled, supporting the scientist and the archer's weight, along with Thor, and trying to get into the Tower again.

It took some careful angling and a lot of patience, but he managed to get Clint into the living room while he took the others, who were all asleep, to their rooms. He tucked Thor into his bed, putting a glass of water on the man's nightstand and making sure there was a lamp on in the corner. Steve quietly shut the door and went into the living room again, picked up Natasha and carried her to her room, removing her boots and slipping her into her bed. He put a bottle of Tylenol on her nightstand along with a glass of apple juice. He did the same with Tony, though Tony got a shot of brandy instead of apple juice, and with Bruce who got tea. When he had the four slumbering Avengers all in bed, he went back to the living room and plopped down on the couch, watching Clint make shadow-puppets on the ceiling.

"Truth or… dare, Cappppp?" slurred Clint and Steve looked at him.

"Clint, you're very drunk. And the game is over." Steve answered and Clint attempted to throw a pillow at him.

"It's not... over until we're all sleeping!" He declared and Steve sighed.

"How about a deal then, I'll do one more truth and you go to bed." Clint nodded. "Alright, go ahead and ask."

"Why haven't you had sex yet?" Clint asked after thinking, you could see the drunken gears rolling away. Steve raised his eyebrows.

"I don't have anyone I want to with at the moment." Steve answered, standing up and reaching a hand to Clint, who took it after a moment.

"Whyyyyy?" He asked and Steve shrugged, easily pulling the drunk man into his arms. When Clint stumbled despite Steve's supporting arms, Steve swung him into a bridal-style hold. "Woooah… too fast." Steve stayed still, waiting for the green to leave Clint's face. "Ok, I'm ok now. Whyyy?" Steve walked down the hall, careful not to jostle Clint.

"Why what?" He asked, balancing Clint in one hand so as to open the door. Clint snuggled into Steve.

"Why don't you have anyone you want to be with?" He asked, eyes drifting shut as Steve gently laid him onto his bed.

"Because I… don't?" Steve answered absently, kneeling at the foot of the bed to tug off Clint's boots. He then pulled the blankets up to Clint's chin and made sure he was covered. Clint smiled at him sleepily as Steve dropped two Tylenol pills along with a glass of cranberry juice on his nightstand.

"You take good care of us, Steve." He murmured, blinking his eyes and yawning. Steve smiled.

"I try to, Clint." He responded and Clint reached out his hand, Steve took it.

"You succeed." Clint then kissed Steve's knuckles and rolled over. "Nightie night." Steve paused and then fixed Clint's blanket.

"Good night."

The next morning, all the Avengers grumbled as they came out for breakfast while Steve was whistling cheerfully, enjoying a bowl of oatmeal and watching his bleary-eyed and hungover teammates shuffle about.

* * *

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

"I've Never" is _definitely _on the list, along with Beer Pong. There are two more than I'm debating on, I'm not sure they'll be funny enough so... I dunno, and then I'm going to do some normal games with drunk Avengers thrown in. This one didn't really have much "Truth or Dare" in it, but at this point they all drank a lot of alcohol and that means nap time.


	4. I've Never

**I don't own Avengers.**

* * *

The team was, once again, all sitting in a circle, on the floor of the living room, five of them getting to the edge of drunk. Steve was, once again, grumbling about immaturity as Tony poured the first round of shots and handed each player their very own bottle of their preferred alcohol.

"Ok, does everyone know how to play this game? Capsicle?" Steve rolled his eyes.

"One person says something they've never done. If you've done it, drink a shot. Play goes around clockwise." He replied and Tony nodded, looking vaguely impressed.

"Very good, Cappie. Do you want to go first?" Steve shook his head and Tony grinned. "Great, so it's my turn." Tony sat down, rubbed his fingers together, and thought for a moment. "I've never… read an erotic novel." Clint, Natasha, and Steve all drank a shot and Thor looked confused.

"What is an 'erotic novel'?" he asked and Bruce shook his head.

"Well, I always thought it was pornography for women…" He answered with a smile. Thor only looked more confused and Bruce patted him on the shoulder. "I don't think you've read one." Tony was staring at Steve with a grin. Clint just rolled his eyes and Natasha winked at Bruce.

"So, you don't have sex but you'll read porn. Interesting, interesting…" Steve muttered something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like an insult to Tony's member. Tony glanced to his left, at Bruce, who was thinking.

"I've never had sex in public." He said and the other five all hesitated.

"Define 'public'." Natasha replied and Bruce shrugged.

"Not at home, a hotel, or in a house. Or a barracks, in your case, Steve." He clarified and everyone else took a shot. Bruce raised his eyebrows. "So shall I add that to the bucket list?" Natasha smirked and he smiled slightly back.

"You may want to watch yourself next time you're at the mall, Bruce." Clint advised and Bruce nodded, turning to Thor.

"Your turn, big guy." Thor stroked his beard and considered possible statements.

"I have never bedded the enemy." Clint snickered as he and Natasha both drank their shots. Tony sighed dramatically.

"I've _kissed_ the enemy…" He muttered, swirling his shot, "Alright, Steviebear, what deep secret shall you reveal?" They all looked, some more subtly than others, eagerly at Steve who quirked an eyebrow.

"I've never slept with a married person." He said and everyone groaned. Clint and Natasha tried to drink their shots quietly while Thor just kicked it back.

"We all know that! You were in the 1940's, probably woulda gotten your dick stoned off by the pope…" Tony complained and Steve shook his head, hiding his amusement.

"I've never participated in a threesome." Said Clint quietly. Bruce, Natasha and Thor all immediately took shots while Tony stared between them, glass halfway to his mouth.

"Did… you… all of you?" He stammered out while Bruce and Natasha met gazes before looking at Tony amused. Thor laughed. Tony took a deep breath, finished his shot, and went back to staring at the trio. Bruce's smile didn't diminish in the least as he leaned on Thor and Tony shook his head. "So not fair." Clint and Steve just rolled their eyes.

"I've never watched a threesome." Offered Natasha. Tony and Clint drank their shots and then everyone stared in shock at Steve's empty glass. Steve just shrugged, mirth lurking in his eyes.

"What?" He asked, the smile breaking through and Tony shook his head.

"The things you learn about your coworkers… Oh, hey, my turn again. I've never slept with my boss." The team all rolled their eyes at that. Steve turned around, presumably investigating something and sneakily downing his shot. No one noticed.

"You _are_ your boss and we all know you _loooove_ you." Pointed out Natasha.

"Yes, but I've never had sex with me. Happily played with, but not had sex… difficult to do that by yourself, eh Steve?" Steve just raised an eyebrow again.

"I wouldn't know, Tony." Clint fell over laughing, Thor chuckled, Bruce and Natasha snickered to themselves and Tony's jaw dropped.

"I've… oh that was a good one, Steve." Started Bruce, before the laughter kicked back in. "Tony's face." He calmed himself down and tried again. "I've never watched pornography with someone else." At Natasha's face, he shook his head. "Though I'm guessing that that's another thing I won't be able to say for long…" Natasha smiled as she drank her shot, Tony rolled his eyes as he did his, while Clint and Steve tried to not be noticed drinking theirs. Thor frowned.

"I do not know of this 'pornography'. What is it?" He asked. Everyone looked to each other and Steve sighed.

"Pornography, usually called porn, is a kind of picture, book, and/or movie that show people engaged in… intimate acts." He explained and Thor nodded slowly.

"I have never seen one." At that, everybody sighed as they drank a shot. Tony looked at Steve.

"Give us a _good_ one this time." He ordered and Steve rolled his eyes.

"I've never had sex while on mission." He said and Tony shook his head.

"Again, we _know_ that! You're Captain America, of course you don't fuck around, literally, on missions." Tony glared, before looking at his shot. "And I can't even drink this because I've never had the opportunity. And look at Clint and Natasha, they look so happy, clearly it's a fun thing." Clint raised his eyebrows as he poured his next shot. Natasha nodded.

"Something about the likelihood of dying makes the entire act all the more… interesting." Clint paused for a moment.

"Cap, didn't you say you had sex the night before your last mission? Doesn't that mean that you did, in fact, have sex while on mission?" Clint pointed out and Steve paused, thinking.

"Well, damn. I guess I have." He said, somewhat amused by the idea. "I was technically on mission seeing as I had just been briefed…" Steve frowned. "Hmm." Tony looked triumphant.

"You said something that wasn't true! That means… Huh. What do we do when something isn't true?" Tony looked around and everybody shrugged. He sighed. "Fine, just do another one, seeing as I could tell you to chug your whole bottle but it wouldn't do anything." Steve snorted and thought.

"Alright, I've never skinny dipped." Everybody but Clint drank a shot; Clint and Steve shared a glance. "I always thought it'd be a bit cold." Clint nodded, agreeing.

"Well, you don't do it alone." Said Bruce, shrugging. Clint and Steve immediately looked away from each other. Natasha yawned, leaning on Clint who ignored her. Bruce's eyes were drifting and Thor was staring at the ceiling. Clint stroked his chin.

"I've… never had sex with a prostitute." He decided finally. Tony chuckled as he twirled his shot.

"Well, duh, it must be pretty hard to find a gay one. Now, I've had sex with a, well, many strippers, but never a prostitute. Not knowingly at least." Clint looked down at Natasha, who was snoring lightly. Steve stood up.

"I'll move her to her bed." He said, bending to scoop her up. "I'll be back for Bruce and Thor." Clint and Tony nodded.

"But we're not done playing yet! Not until Steve's the last one awake!" Tony exclaimed. Steve just muttered under his breath as he carried the sleeping Natasha to her room. Ten minutes later, Tony and Clint were giggling, laying on the ground as Steve walked in. Both their bottles of vodka, along with Thor's and Natasha's, were empty and he raised his eyebrows.

"What are you two talking about?" He asked warily. Clint looked at him and giggled more.

"He's doing the face again! Lookit!" Clint said excitedly and Tony glanced over obediently.

"I told you! He's like a mommmmmy. Mommmy, can I have more juice, pwetty pwetty pweaaase?" asked Tony. Steve shook his head, sitting down on his cushion.

"No, I think you've had enough." Steve replied, taking Bruce's mostly-empty one out of Clint's hand. "And you too." Clint pouted at him.

"Give that back, I found it fair and square." He objected and Steve raised his eyebrows.

"No, Clint, you're already rather drunk." Steve said and Clint pouted.

"But how can we play if you won't give us our vooooodka?" asked Tony, trying to look serious.

"We won't we'll have to play again next week." Steve answered and Tony flailed his arms.

"NO THE GAME GOES UNTIL I WAKE UP AND STEVE LEFT ME BRANDY AND PILLS LIKE A GOOD MOMMY. I WANNNNTTT TOO PLAY._" _He shouted and Steve raised his eyebrows.

"Tony, calm down." Tony glared at Steve and Clint was staring wide eyed between them.

"Loud…" He whispered, snuggling his knees to his chest. Steve reached a hand out to pat his knee.

"Look, Tony, you scared Clint. Say sorry." Tony looked apologetic and tugged Clint's hand.

"Sorrrrrrry Clint!" He said. Clint made a sad face.

"S'ok Tony." Clint replied, poking Tony's nose. "I poke you. Pokes are finger hugs." He then nodded wisely and Steve shook his head. Tony looked amazed.

"Ok, you two, it's time for beddiebye." Steve announced, looking at them. They made twin pouts and puppy-dog-eyes.

"Five more miiiinutes?" they begged simultaneously. Steve sighed.

"Fine, five minutes." Tony smiled broadly and Clint crawled to Steve, plopping down on his lap.

"Thhhhaaaankkk you Stevie!" He said, making himself comfortable in Steve's lap. Steve cocked an eyebrow but allowed him, cradling the archer in his arms so he didn't slide off. Tony rolled around on the floor until he caught sight of them.

"Heeeyyyyy I want snuggles too!" He complained and Steve blinked. Clint glared.

"No, I get snuggles." Clint said, crossing his arm and inadvertently smacking himself in the face.

"But that's not _faaair_!" whined Tony and Steve sighed.

"Come here, I have another arm. I can hold you both." Tony grinned and rolled like a log, coming to rest next to Steve. He looked a bit green and Steve tried to move his arm, to rub Tony's back, but Clint growled.

"No, my snuggles time!" Steve looked down and Clint glared at him.

"I want snuggles too though, Steve _said_!" Exclaimed Tony before sitting up and leaning on the Captain. Steve just dropped his left arm around Tony's shoulders, and Clint grumbled.

"Guys, you can share. I have two arms." He said, trying to placate the two fighting men, and Tony smirked at Clint. "Be _nice_, Tony." Clint nuzzled his cheek into Steve's chest and Tony yawned, putting a hand around Steve's waist and closing his eyes.

"Nightie night, Mommy." He mumbled and then Steve felt his full weight lay against him. Steve carefully adjusted himself so he could support the sleeping Tony a bit better. Clint was watching him silently, his grey eyes eerie in their depth.

"Goodnight, Tony." Steve said back belatedly and looked down at Clint, a gently amused smile gracing his face.

"I'm not moving." Said Clint suddenly and Steve frowned.

"Well, you have to go to bed at some point. I'm not sure how though, seeing as Tony is laying on me, I can't get up." Clint's eyes hardened.

"I'm. Not. Moving." He repeated and Steve sighed.

"Alright, Clint." Clint smiled, reaching up a hand to touch Steve's hair.

"Good Stevie." Clint now yawned, snuggling a bit closer to Steve and clutching his shirt. He kissed Steve's stomach and then rubbed his cheek against the soft fabric there. "Night." He then shut his eyes, yawned again, and fell quickly asleep. Steve watched him with a small smile and raised eyebrows.

"Sleep well." He whispered back and yawned himself. He blinked and then swore. "How the hell am I supposed to get you two into bed now?!"

.

.

The next morning dawned and Natasha and Bruce walked out of their respective rooms to see Steve sitting on the living room floor asleep, though he sat perfectly straight, with Clint and Tony snoring on him. She stared for a moment before shaking her head, taking Bruce's hand and walking back down the hallway.

"It's too early to try and figure that out."

* * *

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

"I've Never", as requested by Last-Babylonian! :D

Soooo, good? Bad?

If you're wondering how Tony and Clint managed to go from tipsy to smashed in ten minutes; they had been downing shots like champs and then, while Steve was gone, drank two bottles each. So it all hit at once.

Next chapter will, hopefully, be up by next week at the latest (I wrote earliest before on accident, sorry. Earliest would be tomorrow. And highly unlikely), I'm working on choosing which game to do next.

NOTE:

I have no idea how difficult it would be to find a gay prostitute. I'm not really big in that community... Also, this is a humor fic, please don't get offended. I mean no disrespect to exotic dancers, or prostitutes, but hey, laughter is good :D Seriously, this is right dangling on the edge of crack.


End file.
